As suggested by the Bri man, i'm going to post up a top 5 'best' list for the past year, except instead of milking it for weeks by changing topics, this one list will comprise them all: 1-album, 2-movie, 3-book, 4-concert, 5-TV series. It was a fairly solid year for many releases, movies in particular, so choosing only one should prove quite interesting.

1. Bruce Springsteen - Seeger Sessions. A tough call for sure, but The Boss wins out. It's his liveliest album in years, and the 'off the floor' jamming vibe is a throwback to the way albums used to be recorded. The material, players and instrumentation are all second to none, proving that you're never too old to return to your roots, or in this case the roots of american music.
2. Stranger Than Fiction. As-yet-to-be-viewed movies notwithstanding, this nifty little journey taken by Will Ferrell is a fantastical (and believable) combination of reality and fantasy.
3. Chuck Klosterman IV. Books are tough to call, as you are rarely reading a book released within the current year, so out of the few i have that would qualify, this collection of Chuck's pop culture articles in their original unedited form, along with new prefaces, tops my list. Bob Dylan: The Essential Interviews would top my list of books 'received but as of yet unread', and A Season in Hell with the Rolling Stones would be on there for 'currently reading and is awesome thus far'.
4. Gomez - The Guvernment. Many big names came through town this year, but getting to see one of my fave bands for the first time, touring a new record, and putting on a damn fine show to boot was a highlight. Extra points scored for the bass player getting drunker as the show went on until he was sitting on the drum riser for the rest of the night!
5. Dexter. A very recent discovery, i ended up watching the whole first season On Demand over a couple of nights. Serial killers have never had so much (pretend) personality. I am now torn between waiting for the coming season, or getting the next book that it is sure to be based on.

Random top 5's may appear now and then, with this sweet topic being one of them. Let's just say anyone is fair game with the exception of The Fonz, who was elevated to god-like status when Peter started the Church of The Fonz on Family Guy. Ayyyyy.

Top 5 Sitcom Characters

1. Sam Malone - Cheers. The ultimate sitcom 'guy's guy'. Ladies, ladies, ladies, Sam Malone is in the hizzouse!
2. Larry Dallas - Three's Company. The greatest sleazeball womanizer of the 70's that didn't have to pretend he was gay.
3. Dr. Johnny Fever - WKRP. "All right fellow babies, that was The Doors, and this is sort of Johnny Fever, kind of doctor. And after... nine drinks, Venus Flytrap is catatonic, and I, myself, have personally just seen a giant pig. He is currently painting the walls of our lobby."
4. Frank Costanza - Seinfeld. Festivus, the Bro, the stop-short... shall i go on?
5. Jamie Coleman - Men Behaving Badly. Rob Schneider had a fantastic sitcom in the mid 90's that lasted a season and a half, mining the best material from the 'roommates and girlfriends' genre. (Probably loosely based on life at The Palace.) It was sadly cancelled shortly after the second season but i caught a rumour on IMDB that a February DVD release might be on the horizon. My anticipation for the new year just increased tenfold!

Since it was such a popular choice last week, here's Gay #2...

This topic is also a blast from the past....and all toys are fair game here....going from simple stuff to electronic.

Top 5 Childhood Toys

1. Atari 2600 - I played this thing so much my parents had to buy another tv because some of the games were burning into the tube....ha ha. This was great for me because I now had my own TV and play-room...... I could play whenever I wanted.... my buddies loved it. My Mom didn't because this usually meant lots of friends staying for dinner and sleep-over parties.
2. Transformers - These toys were really cool. Granted they were very expensive and I remember having to beat someone's Mom to one around Christmas time..... I even remember her calling me a "Fucking Brat" and my Mom almost punching her out at the Toys R Us.... good times.
3. Army Men - I had hundreds of these things and would spend hours in my backyard making them bases and forts. My friends would come over and we would have war games....each kid would set up their army and then we used socks to blow up the other team. The guy with the last green army man standing won.
4. Hockey Cards - I can still remember buying them packs at a time and having a gum ball the size of a baseball in my mouth. We used to play games with the cards at recess throwing them up against a wall..... closest one..... keep throwing until someone over-lapped a card....or who would bounce off the wall the furthest. If I only knew how much that Gretzky Rookie card was going to be I would have kept them..... hindsight.
5. Table Top Hockey - This game even now would probably be right up there with Guitar Hero!!! My Dad and I used to play for hours. I remember back then too kids would order their guys with their favourite teams and kids would come over and we would switch the guys up every game.... winner stayed.

Honourable Mentions: Rubiks Cube.....was cool when it first came out then lost its luster. Pet Rock.... who woulda thought some dude would make millions by gluing some eyes to a simple rock.... but I am sure we all had them. Cabbage Patch Kids..... while I never owned one I just remember going with my Mom to the Mall at Christmas time to help her get one for my little sister. Let's just say I got all my speed from my Mom. We both got to the stack of them and both got one. My Mom sold the second one to a lady for $600 which back in in 83-84 was a good score. It was all I could eat at McDonald's.... ha ha.


Posted by scotty at 06:58 AM

Ladies and gentlemen (and i use that term loosely), i bring you Gay's first guest post....

This week's top 5 will be a flashback to those yester-years of television.....given the age difference for some.....I am sure there will be lots of variety. Note.....this topic is for non-cartoon shows as it was already covered in a recent post.

Top 5 TV Shows from when you were young

1. Battlestar Galactica - "By your command" I am sure there are few from my generation that didn't see this show. Although created because of all the hype from "Star Wars" this show had its own flavour. It tended to push the limits a little further with babes...booze.....and gambling......and of course the death of a few cylons and colonial warriors. For all those fans of the old show it is being shown on Space TV......I am not a big fan of the new show.
2. The Dukes of Hazzard - It was inevitable that were would be at least one tv show about cars on here. The short list was between Startsky & Hutch.....Knight Rider.....Hardcastle & McCormick....and the Dukes. The Dukes won hands down if not just strickly based on the T&A equation. How many of you out there had the die cast set that had the General Lee.... Daisy's Jeep.... Jesse's truck..... Cooter's Tow-Truck.... Boss Hogg's Caddy..... and Roscoe's Police Car?
3. C.H.i.Ps - Granted this could have been lumped in with the car shows but I just couldn't do it. There was never a bad guy that Ponch and John couldn't catch on their motorcycles. And the funky 70's beats kept your head bouncin'.
4. Night Court - This show used to run on the same night as Cheers....and at times I thought it was funnier and better written. It was always a little quirkier than Cheers and maybe thats why I thought it had more appeal. It had a great cast with each adding their odd character traits into the story lines.
5. Wrestling - I am sure there are very few guys out there that weren't glued to the TV whenever it came on. Whether it was the cheesy Canadian stuff that used to broadcast on Saturday afternoons......or Saturday Night's Main Event at night......this was before it was on daily!!!! And the big names were Greg "the hammer" Valentine...... The "Junkyard Dog"..... Jimmy "the Superfly" Snuka...... Tito Santana..... and the list goes on.

A very linear, yet fitting top 5 for the big one double oh. The Captain suggested taking more of a pragmatic approach to it, so here she be. Previous lapses notwithstanding, this could be my last one for a while, so give'er!

Top 5 Most Memorable Costumes (that you've worn)

1. Hunter S. Thompson. Hunter is my failsafe, last minute costume that is quite easily compiled from my not-so-standard wardrobe of Hawaiian shirts and large sunglasses. I have used Hunter to go incognito to parties, and assembled a hasty version over in Budapest for an impromptu Halloween outing. You can dig this photo as evidence.
2. The Dude. The Dude was rocked last Halloween quite effectively, save for the fact that the Captain's Walter was erroneously construed as George Thorogood. You can check out that sweet magic here.
3. Disco Dude. I got great mileage out of my dad's 70's pants (when they fit) and hat, coupled with a few thrift shop items and my grandma's old wig.
4. Jeremy Roenick. A last millisecond sporting of Matty's Roenick jersey and toque (Blackhawks of course), along with the mantra for the evening; "I'm Roenick!"
5. Robin. Not the ultra-gay green and red speedo'd Robin, but the only semi-gay black and red second generation one. I'm sure many have seen the classic shot of myself, guy Jarvis as Batman, and Vagina as Superman. It's probably the first and last photo to feature us both in tights and with hair.

As mentioned to some, this week's list is the companion piece to the last top 5. Anyone who listed up actual living persons last week is welcome to transfer said list or create a totally new one if the mood strikes. We may still be on the party tip next week, so save a little ammo.

Top 5 Real Party People

1. Hef.
2. Sean Combs. This cat apparently spares no expense when it comes to throwing the ultimate party.
3. Tommy Lee. Need i say more?
4. Jack Nicholson. His Mulholland Drive pad was a 70's party hub, and he said in a recent Rolling Stone interview that last year he'd slept with women 'from 26 up to 61'. The dude is 69 years old!
5. Keith Moon. Moon the loon was, from all accounts, the rock and roll party madman. Hopefully the upcoming biopic can bring the insanity to the big screen good and proper.

It's a great time of year to party (as most times are), with weddings upon us, visitors from abroad, my 100th top 5 approaching, the return of football and hockey, and a thanksgiving long weekend a couple of weeks away. With all that said, let us list up the following...

Top 5 Fictional Party People

1. Frank the Tank. The Tank knows how to party like it's 1999, and shows the kids how the old school does it. Beer bongs, streaking, sedatives, costumes, KY wrestling, blow-up dolls and re-gifting are all weapons in his vast arsenal of party tricks.
2. Wooderson. The classic party gentleman, he never gets too dazed or confused while keeping the party shifting in various directions to see the night through to it's fullest potential, all while under the influence of a whole host of intoxicants.
3. Eric 'Otter' Stratton. Otter is the consummate party professional. He does it right or he doesn't do it. Various triumphs include the ultimate toga party (it wasn't an orgy) and the Dean's wife. That was Eric Stratton. He was damn glad to meet you.
4. Mike "Gandalf" Ganderson, The Party Wizard. "You just go out for a couple of beers and end up on a fishing boat to Nova Scotia."
5. Dan O'Callahan. Dan elevated the ski party to the next level; he took it to the hills, the hot tubs and the bedrooms. It's almost that time of year when i dust off Hot Dog for it's annual airing. Perhaps i'll throw a party.

I usually try and stimulate some type of (semi) intelligent conversation within the top 5's that goes immediately to shit anyway, so this week i'm just gonna let it all hang out and resort to the primal instincts. Killer, porns don't qualify here; they are a topic (perhaps upcoming) unto themselves!

Top 5 Hottest Actresses in Film

1. Scarlett Johansson. She's fab in Lost in Translation, looks promising in some recent shit i haven't seen yet, became Woody Allen's new muse, and had the 'balls' to pose nude for Vanity Fair's Hollywood edition. Far out!
2. Elisha Cuthbert. If she didn't make every thirtysomething schmo want to start a frat with her Old School appearance, try calling on The Girl Next Door. Am i wrong, Killer? Plus, she's Canuckian!
3. Jessica Biel. She came out with a coked-up bang in The Rules of Attraction, and now gets calls for roles that Scarlett has probably already turned down. I want to dig The Illusionist though, it looks cool.
4. Salma Hayek. Desperado got the ball rolling, and the deal was sealed with the "i'd give my left nut to drink liquor from her toes" scene in From Dusk Till Dawn. Do you think Quentin wrote himself into that scene by accident? Genius! Kudos to Chilli for reminding me that i almost let this one slip by. What a girl!
5. Rachel Bilson. The Last Kiss will explain what i'm talkin' about. She's a little college cutie that caused me undue harm in the theatre.

So how was everybody's long weekend?

Top 5 Long Weekend Happenings

1. We had 3 bags of grass, 78 ounces of vodka, a quart of Jack, a quart of Sambuca, a 40 of Crown, 6 bottles of wine, reds, whites.... Also 7 cases of beer and a 26er of rum. The only thing that worried me was the rum. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a rum n' coke binge, and i knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.
2. The Ultimate Cottage Dance Party. I dusted off some of my old Mo' Gravy moves and got the fuck down.
3. The Standing Pass. I apparently passed out standing up, while still nodding my head rocking out to the jams, while my beer slipped out of my hand and crashed to the floor, waking me back up again. See point 1 for clarification.
4. Phil Spiderman. Seasons 1-8 of Friends were available for DVD viewing, so everyone's fave episodes were searched out and watched. I was looking for the "His name's not... Phil Spiderman, he's a spider-MAN!" conversation, and found it 5 minutes from the end of the last episode we watched. Far fucking out.
5. The Man. Damon Allen set professional football's all time passing yardage record during the Argos thrashing of the Ticats in the annual Labour Day Classic.

I think we should hold off on the pad-naming until an official housewarming party is called and we can all get a vibe on the place. Vag, the balls are in your court! I have come up with a topic that i think we can all get into, either from a band or an audience point of view.

Top 5 Guaranteed Bar Gig Happenings

1. 'Gear Bowling'. Some drunk ass will always stumble/trip/dance/fall/topple into your shit. Always. Guaranteed.
2. The 'Sublimely Hip Jam' Rule. No gig ever passes without a request for the holy trinity: Sublime, The Hip or PJ. This rule has been without exception since the Fall/Winter of 2002 when i hooked up with the Tribbianis.
3. The Cliche/Obscure Combo Factor. Example: "Can you play Brown Eyed Girl? No? How about some Fountains of Wayne?!"
4. The 'Wrong Band' Request. Can you play Home For A Rest by Great Big Sea?
5. The 'I don't really know what i'm talking about' request.
   Example: "Can you play some Stones?"
   "Sure man."
   (Band plays Dead Flowers.)
   Two songs later, "How about that Stones i asked for?"
   "We just played it!?!#"

Ok, let's round out these lists of top musicians (keys aren't gonna qualify for this round, sooo sorry) with the ultimate prima donna listing - the lead vocalist, or solo singer, or whomever you choose to exalt. Once again all genres are valid; rock, crooner, or opera if you so choose. How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one; they hold up the bulb and wait for the room to revolve around them.

Top 5 Singers/Vocalists

1. Burton Cummings. Burton rocks the rock, melts panties with ballads, and is Canadian to boot. Fuckin' eh!
2. John Fogerty. Nobody does a classic rock wail like John. Noooooobodyyyy! See: Fortunate Son.
3. The Band. I'm listing The Band as a singular voice because a: it's my top 5 and b: they were all lead vocalists. Richard's falsetto, Rick's bittersweet lilt, and Levon's southern drawl all added up to the greatest combination of voices in American music.
4. Martin Sexton. The dude's voice is like another instrument!
5. Sebastian Bach. The pipes, the ego, the hair. Bas could light it up like no other rocker from days gone by. If i was a singer in my early cock rock bands, i'd have wanted to be Bas.

The singers are on hold for a week, i had to drop this one in...

Marty Party's Top 5 BBQ Party Rules

1. BYOC - Bring Your Own Cooler. This allows for the luxury of carrying your booze and storing your wallet and keys in a safe, enclosed container as to avoid misplacement once the drinks start flowing.
2. The Corey Hart Rule - sunglasses at night.
3. Proper Bathroom Etiquette. If the inside john is free, use it, but open the window so you can still join the party while peeing. If said john is occupied, the back of the yard is your friend.
4. No ice = stronger beverage.
5. Keep the party moving. Socialize, flirt, joke and relocate the party when necessary. Continue to drink in excess while impressing friends and passersby with feats of strength.

This week's top 5 enters into arguably the most overblown category of musician; the guitarist. The iconic image of modern rock music is also the most saturated. Just check your local 'musicians available' listings for confirmation of that. Most of us, i predict, will be thinking rock on this one, but all genres are available to you. I will once again forego detailed explanation, as well as blatant choices, as hopefully the player and style will speak for themselves. Plus, rambling on about guitarists bores me, frankly. \m/

Top 5 Guitarists

1. Django Reinhardt.
2. Warren Haynes.
3. Trey Anastasio.
4. Bruce Cockburn.
5. Martin Sexton.

We're back in action with the top 5 this week, and as promised we move around the rhythm section to the big bad bass. You've had 3 weeks to think, so let's get at'er! I'm a wee bit tired at the mo, so explanations may have to follow later tomorrow if i get back on it.

Top 5 Bass Players

1. John Paul Jones.
2. Larry Graham.
3. Flea.
4. John Entwistle.
5. Juan Nelson.

Welcome to the inaugural top 5 from my new abode. I have the new office rockin', with images of The Band, Jim and Lebowski set to grace it's walls. They should serve as sweet inspiration for the weeks to come as we head back to the musical realm and hit on topics i should have covered long ago. With the theme at hand we should be in for 4, maybe 5 top 5's featuring different instruments. This could get well out of hand, so i'll keep it (for now) to instruments featured within the modern band format. The top 5 pan flute players could be well on down the line. Happy birthday Chilli!!

1. John Bonham. The King, The Myth, The Legend. Bonzo's the reason i kept on keepin' on; a true rock monster. The grooves, the power and the often overshadowed subtleties were the keys to Bonham's castle. A classic rock and roll death iced the man but created the legend.
2. Steve Gadd. A studio legend and the man behind Paul Simon's most legendary grooves; the original NYC session badass.
3. Clyde Stubblefield/Jabo Starks. The men responsible for James Brown's funky funk must be mentioned as one entry since they combined seamlessly to create the grooves on all the classic cuts. My first drum teacher gave me a James tape during one of my first lessons and i never looked back.
4. Levon Helm. The laid back beat behind The Band never gets enough credit for creating deceptively complex grooves that sound simple upon first listen; the mark of a true master.
5. Matt Cameron. Matt cracked open the math texts to drive Soundgarden's odd meters into the pop mainstream, no small feat for a 7/4 signature that crunches that hard. He moved on to the straight ahead rock and continues to drive PJ through their best material in years.

Some of these names came up in a conversation with the Captain, so the topic was formed by consensus, and some of his answers will most likely spill over into mine. It's pretty straight forward; the actors listed either have A parts in B movies, or B parts in A movies, but are never the stars of massive hollywood fare. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) For the most part they've had lengthy careers, and in some cases have blurred the line between A and B with consistent, standout performances. Bio links have been provided to facilitate your "Oh, that guy!" moment.

1. Bruce Campbell. The definitive #1 B guy. Fave role: Evil Dead II.
2. J.T. Walsh. You know him every time you see him, but can't name two movies he's been in. Fave role: Breakdown.
3. Danny Trejo. Need a badass? Call Danny. Fave Role: Desperado.
4. Powers Boothe. Probably the closest thing to A list here (Sin City, HBO's Deadwood) but always slightly in the background. Fave Role: Tombstone.
5. Parker Posey. Crowned as the Indie Movie Queen, she's always up for the quirky girl/bitch role, and always nails it. Fave Role: Best in Show.

Not quite back to music... for one more week anyway.

Top 5 TV Cartoons

1. Bugs Bunny/Looney Tunes - One cartoon to rule them all.
2. Super Friends - For some reason i thought Aquaman was the shit?!
3. Scooby Doo - Hot bitches, potheads, squares and a talking dog. One of the original drug generation classics.
4. Spider-Man - A lunchtime fave and winner of the "Most Mileage from a Single Background" Award 25 years running.
5. The Smurfs - Oddly compelling.

Again this week i tread uncharted waters with an off-the-wall topic as to avoid being dumped on for too many music-related topics. Come to think of it, it was only Paula that actually said something. Fuck it, i'm going back to music next week! I was gonna do this as a top 1, but then i figured i'd spin it a bit to fill out the full list, as it could end up being kinda hilarious. So for #1, list the famous person that people say you most look like. For #2-5, list who you think some of your friends resemble. It's that easy.

Top 5 Famous People That You and/or Your Friends Resemble

1. Me - Durst. You all know this; you all love this. It's only the backwards hat thing, i swear. I do get a kick out of the new 'White Samuel L.' thing from the Kangol hat. Maybe that one will catch on. Back in the day i actually got a couple of River Phoenix's, believe it or not.
2. Sherk/Metal Vagina - Vin Diesel. I see this one as a slam dunk; nobody else agrees.
3. Nat/Chilli - Lohan/JoJo. The first one was an initial reaction; the second one more of my final answer.
4. The Captain - early Vince Vaughn. We're talking Swingers, not Wedding Crashers, but give him time.
5. Jon/My Boss - Will Ferrell. He gets this a lot, and it can only be due to the large head and vacant stare directed towards moronic customers.

And now, for something completely different...

Top 5 Tips for Comfortable Public Washroom Use

1. Isolation. If you can track down the set of washrooms that are farthest off the beaten path, you'll be more likely to find a crapper that doesn't already have the seat pre-papered. If you can find the 'family' john with the lockable door, all the better!
2. Use the 'big' stall. If you are forced to select from a series of stalls, use the one on the end with the railing. 9.5 times out of 10 it won't have to be pressed into service while you're a shameful occupant.
3. Wait for a finish. If there are others present, which makes for the most uncomfortable of situations, use it to your advantage. Wait for a flush, sink or hand dryer to spring into action to provide cover for your serious business.
4. Make some noise. A well timed cough, snort, stomp, belt jiggle or paper rip will provide a bit of accompaniment for the final push.
5. Space it out. Never, whether sitting or standing, occupy an adjacent unit if there's room for a buffer.

I have been thinking about this one for a while, and i thought that most lists would look the same, but there are once again more than enough options to go around, especially if we are talking about all time. Also, i'm not talking about comic books here, so leave your Superman #1 that's in a UV bag in a box in your closet out of this! So, to head a little off the beaten path, i bring you...

1. The Far Side. The king of warped viewpoints and human animals!
2. Bizarro. Picked up where the Far Side left off, and even more, well, bizarre.
3. Herman. This was my first favourite "adult" comic strip. My dad had all the anthologies to sort through.
4. Hustler. The greatest of the dirty cartoons, especially when you find your friend's dad's stash in public school!
5. Garfield. While shamelessly unfunny now, this was inexplicably my first favourite cartoon when i was young, and i didn't even have a cat to relate it to. Perhaps it was the lasagna. Go figure.


Posted by scotty at 07:09 AM

On the surface this would appear to be geared towards travelers, but your answers could also be local, as well as national/international. If you've been somewhere that's left a lasting impression on you, for whatever reason, then you have some material to work with. From Paris, Ontario to Paris, France, i'm sure everyone's been to at least 5 different cities in their lifetime! I think the Bri Man, Rich and Killerov might need a few days to mull this one over.

1. Budapest, Hungary. Massive, Beautiful, Dirty, Historic, Cultured, Revitalized. I'm sure everyone knows by now that i spent the better part of a year there with 3 other crazy fuckers living and working out of a 4 bedroom flat. For better and for worse, i wouldn't trade that time for the world.
2. Amsterdam, Netherlands. What can one say? Sex, drugs and culture all crammed into one mad canal city.
3. Strba, Slovakia. I'm gonna double check the town name with Gee, but the name of the town is secondary to large 25 cent beers and walks like this.
4. Offenburg, Germany. Our home away from home during the Red/Uisce Beatha European tour, this little town near the French border was everything i envisioned a smaller German town to be; hills, vineyards, cobblestone streets and window boxes filled with flowers. It was also the site of my first out-of-country gig.
5. Bala/Nine Mile Lake, Ontario. I had to list Bala as the closest town to the lake, but i have been to the lake almost every summer as far back as i can imagine and as most of you know, the beauty and solace that can be achieved in Northern (relatively speaking) Ontario is second to none.

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, and i use that term loosely. Our good friend Power Fog (or Lou, to the layperson) is compiling The Ultimate Summer Beer Drinking Mix and is in need of our assistance. Crack a cold one and get down to the business of helping a brutha out!

Top 5 Summer Beer Drinking Songs

1. Free Ride - Edgar Winter Group. A school's out, let's get on the road Dazed and Confused classic.
2. Cold Beverage - G. Love & Special Sauce. Stick it in the fridge, stick it in the fridge, stick it in the fridge!
3. Jet Airliner - Steve Miller. It's Steve Fucking Miller, king of the summertime jams.
4. Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind - Lovin' Spoonful. An old beer commercial staple about deciding between 2 beers and 2 women; the quintessential summertime decision.
5. In the Summertime - Mungo Jerry. It's all in the lyrics; a drink, a drive and women on your mind.

This one was brought on by the 80s theme from last week. I have consciously avoided veering into the cock rock genre as that would turn into a top 50 and is a category unto itself. I'm thinking more of the vintage 80s synth/pop/dance type of shit that dominated outside the mighty realm of metal. Let's like, totally do this!

Top 5 Songs From the 80s

1. Jungle Love - The Time. Morris Day was the coolest motherfucker ever.
2. Relax - Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Frankie says Relax.
3. Darling Nikki - Prince. The original sexy motherfucker.
4. Obsession - Animotion. Saturday Night's Main Event, baby!
5. Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' - MJ. Back when Mike was the true King.

Finally switching gears, we enter into the cinematic realm for a week or two. This week we examine the genius, sex and mayhem of the 80s lowbrow comedy. The 80s gave birth to the vulgar, tasteless, ridiculous yet hilarious teen comedy, usually based around the trifecta of sex, drugs and rock and roll. Anything was fair game during the excess of the 80s, and a whole slew of rude and crude teen comedies flooded the theatres. Any comedy from the 80s is fair game here, but let's not think too deeply on this one, because these films sure didn't! My tastes run a little off the beaten path, so i've left open a bunch of mega-classics for y'all to munch on. My initial list was at 14!

Top 5 Goofball 80s Comedies

1. Top Secret! (1984) One of the earlier entries into the 80s sight gag/slapstick genre, this was a classic Zucker/Abrahams film that featured Val Kilmer in his first starring role as Nick Rivers. Cows in rubber boots, underwater barroom brawls, and a French Underground after which several of my friends are still named (Latrine & Chocolate Mousse). This was my 'Lebowski' of the 80s.
2. Hot Dog... The Movie. (1984) The pioneer of the ski comedy genre, this movie had freestyle skiing back when daffys and spread eagles ruled the slopes, titties and beer, and the classic showdown finale: The Chinese Downhill!
3. Sixteen Candles. (1984) From the stable of the master, John Hughes, comes the best geek in modern cinematic history (Farmer Ted), an early Cusack sibling sighting, and the only great thing that Molly Ringwald ever did. No more yankie my wankie, the Donger need food!
4. Stripes. (1981) Another heavyweight in the raunchy comedy category, Ivan Reitman directed one of Bill Murray's finest 80s roles as loser John Winger. The cast is more stacked than the girls in the mud wrestling pit fighting Ox (John Candy), and there are more quotable lines from Bill that were more than likely improved on the spot. Lee Harvey, you are a madman! I want to party with you, cowboy.
5. Private Resort. (1985) This was a classic 'spring break' style sex comedy that featured Johnny Depp in his first starring role, alongside Rob Morrow! The cast also had a young Diceman, some vintage Hector Elizondo, and some dude playing the classic surfer/stoner guy named Mike. Whoaaa, a mom and a dad! I'm hoooome!

This week's question was spawned by the proverbial 'desert island' discussion. However, there won't be 5 options available - only 1. It's actually a two-parter, but will revolve around your one initial answer. The question and subquestion read as follows: If you had to live out your life listening to the complete recorded catalog of ONE band or artist, who would that be, and subquestion, if it came down to a single album by said artist, what would that album be.

The ground rules state that only official album releases qualify, including official live releases, but not bootlegs or greatest hits collections. Clear? Good. Take some time to think about it. Don't get stuck with a one dimensional band for the rest of your life!

1-A: The Band. One band, 3 vocalists, 46 different instruments and as many musical styles all delivering the defining sound of Americana. Nobody sounds like The Band and no band ever will. Their influence had an immediate impact on their peers and is still reaching into the consciousness of modern music today. To quote George Harrison, they are "the best band in the history of the universe." 'Nuff said!

1-B: The Last Waltz is probably the greatest concert achievement ever committed to tape and film. I could die a happy man listening to this seminal event on a daily basis.

cougar (koo′ ger) - n: large American feline (Felis concolor) resembling a lion.

cougar (koo′ ger) - n: a horny, middle-aged (or above) woman, dressed to the nines, out on the prowl looking for young (20-35 year old) men.

The mothership of all cougar bars has been sighted - The Grizzly in Kingston, Ontario!!

1. Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard. Even the band name invokes a mighty (albeit hearing impaired) cat shaking it's mane on the dancefloor in a ritualistic search for an evening mate.
2. Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen. The cougs don't seem to mind dancing to a song that is in direct reference to them.
3. Follow Me - Uncle Kracker. Who knows why??
4. To Be With You - Mr. Big. The definitive cougar ballad anthem is of course Mr. Big's only true hit!
5. Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) - C & C Music Factory. When cougars break out to dance music, it's gotta be a little C & C, or it gets ugly. Ah fuck it, it's always ugly!!

Whether it was just painfully obvious or blatantly overlooked (or both), the Captain has brought to my attention the fact that i have yet to cover this topic in a top 5. Since he in fact made the call, he reserved rights to a couple of songs that would have appeared on my list, but the fever is strong in this category. I did actually pinch one, but that's neither here nor there, so strap on your gold plated diapers and just say it, baby!

Disclaimer: No Blue Oyster Cult or Santana entries allowed; they are already in the Cowbell Hall of Fame.

Top 5 Songs That Feature the Cowbell

1. Good Times Bad Times - Led Zeppelin. This song has a killer groove founded on a thunderous single bass drum pattern and of course the cowbell.
2. Down on the Corner - CCR. A solid cowbell intro continues throughout the song, giving it the rock steady beat and party vibe that it possesses.
3. Low Rider - War. Another party classic revived by the movie Dazed and Confused, with a cowbell intro that's instantly recognizable.
4. The Streetbeater (Sanford & Son) - Quincy Jones. More often than not, i only watched the intro to the show just to groove out to Quincy and his ridiculously dirty track all lathered up with that dang cowbell!
5. Honky Tonk Women - Rolling Stones. I used to love listening to the drum/cowbell intro to this song (of course i still do), but it became slightly tainted for me when i started jamming along to it only to realize that Charlie speeds up the song by like 10 bpm as it goes along! Ahh the beauty of the old live off the floor sessions with no click track. That's rock and roll, baby.

Honourable Genre Mention - Cock Rock. The 80s metal scene carried on the fine tradition of the cowbell within the rock/metal drum track. Band such as G N'R, Poison, Skid Row and Motley Crue embraced the cowbell for ride patterns and unique drum fills. Kudos to all of those bands for encouraging me to add a LP Black Mambo cowbell to my arsenal and never look back!

Killer started it, let's run with it...

Top 5 Uses of 'FUCK'

1. Far fucking out!
2. Fuck - yeah!!
3. Fuckin' A!
4. Fuckin' guy.
5. Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself.

Since people were harping on the 'music only' theme of the top 5s, i have combined 2 media together into this week's topic. My picks include a lot of funky jams that can also stand alone as their own entity. I've also covered a few of these with past and current bands, proving the longevity and popularity of these great theme songs. The only thing i ask this week is that nobody cops out and lists pre-existing songs as a theme song, ie: Who songs for the CSIs, etc. Cartoons are totally valid, and there are way more good ones than you initially think (i narrowed mine down from 10), so give'r!

Top 5 TV Show Theme Songs

1. Sanford & Son. Dirty. More Cowbell.
2. Magnum P.I. The shit.
3. Fat Albert. Funky funk.
4. Dukes of Hazzard. The twang-a-lang.
5. The Jeffersons. The gospel.

This week i'm going for singer/songwriters that have had a great impact on pop and folk music over the past several decades. These are guys that write the lyrics and music, perform the songs live, often solo on acoustic guitar, and also have them covered by other artists. We're going for solo artists here, not songwriting teams, which could be another topic down the road. Let's give everyone a get-out-of-jail-free card and say that Bob Dylan would be on most, if not all lists, so he's already accounted for.

1. Neil Diamond. The Diamond is everywhere, whether you know it or not. Songs most extensively covered from his catalogue include I'm a Believer, Red Red Wine, Sweet Caroline and Solitary Man by artists ranging from Johnny Cash to U2. Neil is, as they say, the man. I'm also fairly certain he's been laid as many times as Julio Iglesias and Wilt Chamberlain combined.
2. Neil Young. Neil has reigned for 40 years and counting, both solo and as a member of many seminal folk/rock bands, but is always at his best with an acoustic guitar, harmonica and that fantastic shaky voice.
3. Johnny Cash. The Man, the Myth, the Legend.
4. Cat Stevens. He was the king of the 70s folk rock, selling over 25 million albums before becoming an Islamic fundamentalist and moving into the mountains for 20 years. Crazy bastard.
5. James Taylor. As i once heard it said, "When you hear James Taylor singing, all is right with the world."

Make T-shirts for your friends! Create your own slogan! Apply it to them! List your top 5!

Top 5 T-shirt Slogans For Your Friends

1. For Killer Dave - "Cunning Linguist"
2. For Vagina - "I joined the Hair Club for Men and all i got was this lousy t-shirt!"
3. For Justine - "Zeppelin Sucks"
4. For The Captain - "Fuck the Machine?"
5. For Steveo (The Rosa) - "Mmmmmmmm....."

Footnote: About 70% of these t-shirts could also be worn by me. You figure it out.

I am by no means a record collector. I have a load of cds, but only what would be considered a handful of vinyl, and i can't even play it right now as my last turntable was Vag's over at the Palace! So this week's listing, for me, is about finding things you couldn't find anywhere else, thought were long since unavailable, or just plain cool discoveries. Hopefully, someone's entry will contain some piece of vinyl worth thousands, but sadly not my picks. Somebody please do me proud this week!

Top 5 Used Record Shop Finds

1. Blu Bones - Sink on CD. I, among others, worshipped this band as the torchbearers of new metal in the early to mid 90's, and have seen them perform live countless times. This CD was eagerly anticipated, and while not as heavy as their live shows (how many records really are?) it was a welcome addition to my collection. It was then lost, and the band folded, and we were left with burned copies circulated off of Vagina's very well worn CD. I ended up finding a mint condition copy at Dr. Disc a year or so ago, and when told that Boris from the band didn't even have a copy left, was even more excited at the find. Now they can rock on, forever!
2. The Four Horsemen - S/T on CD. Had an old cassette copy, taped from another cassette, and again Dr. Disc came through with a mint CD for me. The band only put out this one record, then i think they all died, but man does this one record rock fucking hard! Glad to have found it.
3. G N'R - Studio bootlegs on Cassette. This had some great stuff that was leaked out in demo form, long before the internet made this stuff commonplace, and i enjoyed an early version of November Rain while Appetite was still ruling the world.
4. Chuck Mangione Quartet - Alive! on Vinyl. I know you are all scratching your heads here, but i had read that Steve Gadd had some absolutely killer drum breaks on this record, and of course had to track it down. It took me 5 minutes and cost me 3 bucks!
5. Funkadelic - Standing on the Verge of Getting It On on CD. A lot of the Funkadelic stuff is imported from the UK, and the older stuff is harder track down, but this stellar album allows me to listen to Red Hot Mama any time i like. Now i have to find the single release that continues the 8 minute guitar solo on the B side! Can anyone help me out here?

This week's topic is courtesy of the Captain, and to be honest i thought i'd covered this topic already, but upon inspection of the back catalogue it appears that i haven't, so let's get into it. The topic at hand is top 5 debut albums, and my personal criteria, and what i think should be a rough guideline for the selection process is this: don't just select the first album from your favourite band if it doesn't compare to the monumental classics from their discography. For example, the Captain and i discussed the fact that the first albums from the world's biggest bands, the Beatles and the Stones, don't hold a candle to say, the White Album or Exile on Main St. Choose wisely, peruse your full catalogue of music and post up some great records for everyone to dig.

Top 5 Debut Albums

1. The Doors - The Doors. This record stands alongside or above any Doors album, and cast a dark cloud over the Summer of Love by introducing dark psychedelia, unique instrumentation, poetry, mythology and theatre into the arena of 60's rock.
2. Music From Big Pink - The Band. Emerging from Dylan's shadow, The Band wrote an album of pure roots rock that strayed so drastically from the psychedelic music of the times that it influenced everyone from Clapton to Hendrix to reevaluate their approach to their own music.
3. Appetite For Destruction - G N'R. This record tore the spandex off of the cock rock scene and laid the foundation for pure, honest, balls-out raunchy gutter rock well into the 90's.
4. Grace - Jeff Buckley. Buckley's one and only true album release was the cornerstone of singer/songwriter inspiration for years to come. This album directly contributed to the demise of my mid-90's jam/funk band, Kickstand Travolta, as our lead singer was so inspired by this album that it influenced his written material from that point onward, leading to new material that led him down another road. Godspeed to him, as it is a monumental piece of work.
5. Blind Melon - Blind Melon. While not an album that ushered in a new musical direction or that broke terribly new ground, this debut record harkened back to a loose jammy vibe during the heyday of grunge. A feelgood record that still receives regular play in my home.

Note the time of day specified in this week's top 5. It is important to the mood and style of albums selected, and will also differ from a future list containing it's counterpart! Giv'er. (Full explanations to follow, of course.)

Top 5 Nighttime Driving Albums

1. L.A. Woman - The Doors
2. The Bends - Radiohead
3. Get Lost - The Magnetic Fields
4. Rain Dogs - Tom Waits
5. Dark Side - Pink Floyd

Let's have a little fun this week with a more subjective listing. Everyone will have their own opinions about what they find to be the core components of a modern movie soundtrack. Some may be legit, some may be jokes, but all will be deemed relevant here, unless of course, i deem it to be irrelevant. Think in "High Fidelity Mode" and all will be revealed to you.

Top 5 Soundtrack Rules

1. Break out a solid up & coming artist. There are loads of undiscovered bands out there, and few of them get to next level shit without one big break. A soundtrack is a perfect opportunity for said break. For example, 'The Shins will change your life' from Garden State, along with 2 songs on the soundtrack busted them wide open.
2. Use an obscure or album track from a great artist. How many of you own all albums by Dylan, Neil Young and the Stones? Exactly. By mining some lesser known albums by the greats, a solid album track can be unearthed and delivered back to the public ear after years of being overshadowed by the band's hits. For example, Dylan's 'The Man In Me' from The Big Lebowski, Dylan's 'Most of the Time' from High Fidelity, and the Stones' 'Fool to Cry' from Beautiful Girls all prove this point.
3. Rescue/revive a one hit wonder. Think 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)' from Shrek and 'Afternoon Delight' from every comedy released in the last 2 years.
4. Don't cover a classic song just to get it on the soundtrack. While The Band's version of 'The Weight' was included within the movie Easy Rider, it was not permitted for use on the actual soundtrack, so a less-than-stellar version by Smith was used. The biggest error in cover judgement had to be GnR's horrendous version of 'Sympathy for the Devil' to close out Interview With the Vampire. Conversely, an excellent cover, such as Townes Van Zandt's 'Dead Flowers' (again from Lebowski) can add new life to a song, movie, career and soundtrack.
5. Always include at least one song from one of the following artists: Bob Dylan, The Stones, Zeppelin, Elton John, Simon & Garfunkel, Nick Drake, The Who or Neil Diamond.



Posted by scotty at 12:00 AM

A day late, but a good one, i think. The topic at hand is top 5 backing bands. This would mean 'So and So and the (insert band here)', or a standalone name altogether, like my #2. I'm interested to see what might surface here, and what people might deem as a backing band. ** add. This morning i thought of 5 or 6 killer new additions to the list, but i'll leave them off for now and give others a chance to look cool. ;) **

Top 5 Backing Bands

1. The Band. - Ronnie Hawkins, Bob Fucking Dylan and most importantly, their own fantastic work.
2. Funk Brothers. - Performed on almost every Motown hit.
3. Booker T & the MGs. - Lots of Atlantic R&B, Blues Brothers and their own stuff.
4. The Heartbreakers. - Petty of course.
5. Crazy Horse. - Neil of course.


Posted by scotty at 08:35 AM

Top 5 Concerts Attended 2005

1. Tom Petty/Black Crowes - Pine Knob. This wins out because it was my first Petty show, filled with da hits, along with the Crowes (second time last year) playing lotsa first album tracks. Also, Pine Knob (DTE Energy Theatre) is a fab place for an outdoor show, complete with the huge guitar beers.
2. DMB - ACC. Best Dave i've seen, great seats, live bootleg a week after courtesy of the Bri Man.
3. Pearl Jam - JLC. I heard the t.dot show was a bit cooler, but i wasn't at that one!
4. Black Crowes - Kool Haus. My first taste of the Crowes in a while, complete with a heavy dose of Southern Harmony, and live CDs right after the show. Far fucking out.
5. The Crue - JLC. Not as good as the Dr. Feelgood tour back in their prime, but a welcome spectacle nonetheless back onto the concert scene, save for Vince's sporadic vocal dropouts.

Continuing on with the same 'best' theme from last week, let's move over to the cinema and list'em up. This time there shall be no 'discovered in' blanket, just the best films of '05, straight up.

Top 5 Movies of 2005 (that i've seen)

1. Dig! I believe this first made the festival scene in '04, but didn't receive full release until '05, so i can honestly sneak it in as my top pick. This is an unbelievable rock n' roll documentary cranked up to 11. I am a newfound convert to the revivalist ways of the Brian Jonestown Massacre, and could probably watch this film on a weekly basis and not tire of it's pure rock exploits. The music, the bands, the biz, the drugs, the insanity; they're all present in flying colours. Do yourself a favour and dig this film asap!
2. Sin City. Finally, a comic book (sorry, graphic novel) movie the way it should be done. Marv rules the world.
3. Wedding Crashers. The annual entry in the Vince Vaughn laugh-fest category. He's on a roll, babies!
4. No Direction Home. Bobby D as intimately as he's ever been seen. Still not all the layers of the onion, but fucking great nonetheless!
5. Broken Flowers. Bill Murray picks up where he left off with Lost in Translation and plays deadpan comedy to perfection. The way the movie is left open to interpretation has me onto a third viewing within a one week period. That's good cinema. As a sidenote, i'm also exploring a theory that the movie subtly references other Murray films, but another viewing is required to either confirm, or disconfirm that suspicion.

Welcome back (both bloggers and the PC) and happy new year! Now that the retail hell has subsided and work hours have returned to manageable levels, let's get back to rockin'. The topic allows some flexibility so as to not have everyone listing the same shit (and to avoid a complete year-end cliche), so if you also discovered a sweet album last year, it too is fair game.

Top 5 Albums of (or discovered in) 2005

1. Stereophonics - Language, Sex, Violence, Other? A recent discovery on the rock front, the Stereophonics came to my attention during the Live8 concerts. Seeing them perform Dakota in front of 10s of thousands of people gave me one of my live chills of the year, and that was just over webcast! See my 'Concert Regrets' listing for another not-so-great Stereophonics reference.
2. Stereophonics - You Gotta Go There to Come Back. A fine companion piece to the aforementioned album.
3. White Stripes - Get Behind Me Satan. This is on many a year-end list this year, and with very good reason - the Stripes add piano and marimba into the mix!
4. John Mayer Trio - Try! John has strapped on a pair of brass balls and tapped into the spirit of Stevie Ray on this scorching/sweet live release. It also doesn't hurt to have 2 session giants as your rhythmic backbone. This one hasn't left the car yet.
5. Gary Jules - Trading Snakeoil for Wolftickets. Some of my friends didn't get quite as excited over this guy as i did, but you can't beat it for a modern day, Paul Simonesque ode to La-La Land.

I'm back with a semi-not-as-often post, but seeing as it's a top 5, she's all gooooood. Self explanatory title; please try not to cry into your keyboards as you lament over what could have been within the live rock stratosphere. 8-|

Top 5 Live Concert Regrets

1. Missing Stereophonics opening for Bowie. The Captain and myself, never having quite absorbed the Stereophonics at that point, decided it would make better sense to consume more Coors Light tallboys at the Palace than it would be to check the 'opening' band. A short time after, the Stereophonics moved sharply up my list of recently discovered kickass rock bands, and it dawned on me that we could have witnessed this rock mayhem in a live setting, followed by Bowie! Fuck me.
2. Passing on Lollapaloozas 1 & 2. Having witnessed a lifetime of live gems during the 3rd and 4th installments (which were considered to be less than stellar compared to the first 2, even with a lineup of young Rage, Beasties, Tribe, Tool, Chains, Primus, etc. etc.), i can only imagine the insanity if i'd done the 4 year sweep and added early 90's era PJ, Soundgarden, RHCP, Jane's, etc. to the list. Fuck me.
3. Not seeing STP or G N' R in their prime. I don't know why this never happened, but i really wish that it had! I have a 'wishlist' deal with Vagina (formerly Metal Chris) that i'd trade him one of his STP experiences for one of my Alice in Chains shows. I can only take small solace in the fact that STP can theoretically reunite while Chains cannot.
4. Passing on Prince. Twice. I have no excuse for not attempting to purchase tickets to see Prince, about 10 years apart, on his last tour and one that he did before a mass hiatus in 1993-94. Funky as hell, great performer, and a string of hits that would exceed the string of beads that was once pulled out of Wilby's ass. Holy sheeite.
5. Getting blasted at my first Phish show. I don't really remember much from my first Phish experience, and to top it off, after puking out the window of Latrine's car on the drive back from Detroit, the guys decide to stop at a bar in Windsor on the way home for more beers! Stick a fork in me, i'm done!

Honourable Mention - On behalf of my friends from the mid-90's - Missing the Grateful Dead on Fall Tour in Toronto - because Jerry died in August. I thankfully caught 2 Dead shows from that last summer tour down at the Palace in Auburn Hills, but many of my friends weren't so lucky, and were banking on the Toronto show to be their first.

For myself today, the Captain, Killer, MV, and the whole host of other November birthday bashers we know, i present a very simple yet truthful top 5. Happy birthday lads. PS - Brass Door this eve around 10-10:30 for those interested. Cheers!

Top 5 Signs You're Getting Old(er)

1. You are horrified that your second chin is more prominent than your first in a recent party photo.
2. What belt buckle?
3. Your list of classic rock faves is met with blank stares and post-performance silence by the young'uns at your gigs.
4. You must have the option of sitting down at a concert.
5. 'Metal Chris' starts learning acoustic Jack Johnson songs for future gigs.

In keeping with last week's 'monster riffs' theme, as promised, i bring the top 5 MONSTER FUNK RIFFS to the table. This opens up the options a little more for the big bad bass guitar, which should hold down the majority of the riffage, but a funky little wah wah guitar part could also steal the show. These suggestions are just the tip of the iceberg; hopefully y'all will sink the ship. 'Scotty, what choo gonna list now? Mahvin, what'sa evah i list, it gots to be FUNKY. 1..2..3..'

1. Shakey Ground - The Temptations. Massive. Funk. Riff. As badass as they come. I bet i can throw this riff over that mountain.
2. For the Love of Money - BulletBoys. Just kidding. The O'Jays murder it on this killer groove about dolla bills y'all. Recently made uber-famous by The Donald.
3. The Jam - Graham Central Station. Larry Graham steps out and introduces the band as a selection of solos get tied together by distorted bass and funky-clean geetar. Prince has covered this live, and also gives the drummer some in his version.
4. Red Hot Mama - Funkadelic. A nice, simple, 2 note riff drives this one home to an anthemic chorus about a red hot mama lookin' good to them. Need i say more? Rumour has it that the Big Finger has a version in the works. I think it's called White Hot Mommy.
5. Sing a Simple Song - Sly & the Family Stone. There are sooooo many Sly songs to list here, so i just went with one of my faves. And it just fuckin' groooooooves.

Due to some hip-hoppin' and hard rockin' in Barrie yesterday, i bring you the first top 5 wednesday. The rock gloves are off this week as we step into the octagon in search of the top 5 MONSTER ROCK RIFFS. I'm talkin' about kickass, unstoppable, neck-snapping, metals in the air, bone crunching riffs. We're not looking for rock SONGS here, we're looking for those songs that contain raging RIFFS within their monstrous structures that are instantly recognizable and whip you into an immediate rock frenzy. They don't have to be by 'metal' bands per se, as long as they are laying down the heavy fuckin' riffage! \m/

1. Back in Black - AC/DC. Let's get this one out of the way right now - one of the heaviest riffs on the planet.
2. Voodoo Child - Jimi Hendrix. When that guitar intro starts you know exactly what you are about to witness, and that quickly becomes the fiercest jam Jimi ever laid to tape.
3. Black Betty - Ram Jam. The intro slash bridge to this track gets me every single time, and i feel like the baddest motherfucker alive.
4. Outshined - Soundgarden. Driving home from college one afternoon with my buddy, he was quickly pulled to the curb and ticketed for doing 85 clicks down Oxford St. This song was playing on his car stereo at the time.
5. Know Your Enemy - RATM. A nice funky intro groove baits you for what is about to be unleashed, which is a ferocious guitar riff that sends you jumping off backyard decks into dudes' beers.

So as the theme goes for the week, all the Halloween stuff is being played out, so i see no reason not to do the same! What movies really scared the shit out of you? Let's go with Top 5 Horror/Thriller Movies. I added the thriller option since i know several people who are too scared to even attempt a horror but perhaps have watched a thriller or two between their hands. Just make sure someone died or got killed or something to qualify it here!

Top 5 Horror/Thriller Movies

1. Evil Dead 2. 'It's so funny and violent, and the soundtrack kicks fucking ass.' My first favourite horror movie remains a classic of the genre. Army of Darkness would be a close companion piece.
2. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (old & new). Just some good old creepy, broken down car, lost in the woods being chased by a guy with a chainsaw and skin mask type of fun. Always gets me.
3. The Shining. To this day, the hotel hallway scenes when the girls just appear from nowhere and the kid is riding the bigwheel around scares the bejeesus out of me. Little kids are creepy. And so is Nicholson losing his mind. A Kubrick classic.
4. Nightmare on Elm Street. The first grade school party movie that everyone had to see. Nothing like a room full of young teenage girls screaming their heads off and a roomful of guys not knowing what to do with it. Oh the shame. :)
5. House of 1000 Corpses. Rob Zombie does a nice job bringing the 'disgusting' and 'repulsive' aspects back to the horror genre after it appeared to be heading more to the 'thriller' direction of late. Also some nice tips of the hat to the classics.

Although i'm sure that this week's category will exclude at least half of my loyal readers, the topic of the week is, ironically, loyal readers. Now i'm not gonna lie and say i'm the world's most voracious reader by any stretch, but i've been trying to get back into that swing, and have actually put a few under my belt in the past months. With the coming seasons putting the emphasis back on indoor sports, let's see if we can list up some decent suggestions to circulate around.

Top 5 Books You've Read Recently

1. A Million Little Pieces - James Frey. Ok, i know this is the current Oprah book club pick, and that is in fact the only reason why i ended up reading this book. Not because Oprah told me to, but because Chilli saw that show and ordered it cheap from Amazon, and i beat her to the punch and read it while she was finishing up another book. I couldn't stop reading! A wild, disturbing and graphic account of going through a rehab clinic experience and bringing a life back from the brink, this guy was fucked up on everything you can think of! He beat it all, is still clean and now writing killer books.
2. Killing Yourself to Live - Chuck Klosterman. A cool road trip book written by a rock journalist about driving around the States visiting sites of famous rock deaths. There are also healthy doses of music knowledge, based on his listening selections for the trip as well as the death sites, and some troubles with the ladies thrown in for good measure.
3. Life After God - Douglas Coupland. A collection of stories about searching, meaning, finding your place. A bit of a disjointed road journal, i suppose, spread over several stories.
4. The Losers' Club - Richard Perez. An NYC, searching for love through personal ads and all the crazy city folk that surface during that process type of book.
5. The Rum Diary - Hunter Thompson. Currently reading this as i have heard it will be made into a movie with Johnny Depp in the near future. It's always good to get through these books before the movie hype takes over and puts a new spin on it, not to mention a new book cover.

This topic was suggested by the Captain, and it's a damn fine one! Pay close attention to the subject at hand this week, especially the second half of the title. We're not just looking for good cover songs here. If you don't think it tops the original version, don't list it! That being said...

Top 5 Cover Songs Better Than the Original Versions

1. Say Hello, Wave Goodbye - David Gray. This song can make me weep openly, while the original Soft Cell version is an absolute pile of shite! Thankfully Dave rescued this song from obscurity and we're all better off for it.
2. I Shall Be Released - The Band. The Band and Dylan were working very closely together at the time this came out on the masterpiece Music From Big Pink, and Richard Manuel's angelic falsetto weaves it's magic throughout this song. A beautiful song that's just a bit too tender for Bob's nasal delivery.
3. Dead Flowers - Townes Van Zandt. I love the Stones, and their version, but if i had to pick between the two it would be this loosey-goosey, whiskey and beer-soaked acoustic version. It also majestically closes out The Big Lebowski.
4. Back Door Man - The Doors. This version jumps to raunchy new heights following a climbing intro, slinky organ riff and a blood-curdling Morrison scream (mostly live). One of my fave Doors songs as well. I can picture both Jim and Willie Dixon entering many a back door in their time.
5. Hard Luck Woman - Garth Brooks. Paul Stanley has openly hailed this version as the definitive one. Kiss rocks socks off, but this version kills! Ask any of my friends that have recently pilfered several copies of my latest mix cd!

My system's back, i'm back, let's do this. You mention Brando, DeNiro, Pacino and Nicholson and you conjure up images of acting royalty. This week's lising is to try and create the next generation of that royalty list. Think of actors that have had the bulk of their theatrical releases during our lifetime; born in the 60s, 70s or perhaps even 80s in some cases. List a fave role, a fave film or even a fave scene if you want to get right down to it. 'Actors' by all means includes females, but most of my faves are dudes. Call me shallow, it's the fuckin' truth. And Killerov, porn doesn't count.

Top 5 Movie Actors of Our Generation

1. Johnny Depp. I'm sure you all knew this was coming. I love the guy. I celebrate his entire catalog. From his shitty (yet funny) spring break comedy Private Resort through all of his Tim Burton collaborations up to his Academy-nominated roles as a pirate and writer, Johnny does it all, with his own twisted style and take it or leave it attitude. He's everyman's freak, the loner you love, the outsider with a heart (or teeth) of gold. If i could only own one actor's entire body of work, it would be my man Johnny.
2. Philip Seymour Hoffman. This guy can play any role, comedy or drama, and sell it hook, line and sinker. Celebrated in The Big Lebowski, Boogie Nights and Magnolia, he also captivated the screen in Almost Famous, Punch Drunk Love and Owning Mahowny. After that he once again made us pee our pants in Along Came Polly, and now has Capote set for release to critical acclaim.
3. Benicio Del Toro. Already an Academy Award winner for Traffic, he has recently killed in Sin City, and previously ruled in 21 Grams, Snatch, The Way of the Gun and of course as the beloved Dr. Gonzo in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Benicio can rock a dark, smoldering glare like no other, and has a presence that commands immediate attention, even with little or no dialogue being spoken.
4. John Cusack. John has occasionally missed the mark, but the fact that he keeps putting himself out there in a wide variety of roles shows that he's not afraid to tackle any challenge, regardless of if it's against type or not. He's also one of the few actors to successfully transist from teen comedy to adult comedy to drama and back and forth again. As we all know, High Fidelity is at the top of the Cusack performance list.
5. Bill Murray. Bill wasn't originally going to crack my top 5, but i didn't want to be that guy who doesn't include comedy roles in the same ballpark as the dramatic. Bill has killed the comedy for years, and has recently reemerged in a new dramatic light, peppered with the deadpan comedy touches that we love him for. I still need to get out and see the acclaimed Broken Flowers, but even without having seen that yet Bill holds steady in my top 5.

Honourable Mention - Paul Giamatti. One of the guys that you hear of all the time, but can't name 3 movies that he's been in other than Sideways. Sideways was a genius performance, and i guarantee that within the next 2 years this guy will break out like no other.

Revelation: n. 1. a dramatic disclosure of something not previously known or realized. 2. communication of knowledge to man by a divine or supernatural agency.

Both of these definitions apply to an album or song that turns your world upside down and leaves you standing there dumbfounded, shouting "Holy Shit!" at the top of your lungs, wondering where such music came from and why you haven't heard it before now. These are the records we are looking for today. Now don't go listing a bunch of old safe ones, or your fave records of all time, unless they truly apply to the task at hand. Some of my fave bands were passed over for this list (The Band, The Doors) in favour of records that i can actually recall the exact moment i heard them first and why i freaked out. I love those other bands to death, but they would be more at home on an all time best list, not this list i present here today.

Top 5 "Revelation" Albums

1. Appetite for Destruction - G N'R. I was cutting the lawn with the cassette in my Walkman, when i stopped during the intro to My Michelle and had my holy shit moment. I knew right there that rock had moved in a new, killer direction.
2. Free Your Mind, and Your Ass Will Follow - Funkadelic. During the Fanshawe M.I.A. years i was jamming and hanging with a cat, Pete Warnica, who had a sweet townhouse on Oxford St. that we partied at a lot. I was high and sitting in his beanbag chair when he threw on this cassette. It was my first real exposure to the dirty funk and psychedelic jamming. Funkadelic's Red Hot Mama has since become an oft-covered song throughout my bands.
3. Rage Against the Machine - RATM. First year college, pre-release copy of the album, getting drunk and jumping off back porches in sheer delight at the energy it posessed. A staple 'get pumped' album since then.
4. Pendulum - CCR. I was living in Budapest, and was up at Dr. John's pimpin' pad getting high, and he casually throws on this cd. I almost had a heart attack when Pagan Baby riffed in, because it was heavy Creedence, and it showed me that there is so much more to the classic bands out there than their hits collections.
5. Spiritchaser - Dead Can Dance. I knew i was looking for this type of ethereal music out there, but didn't know what it was until this album was pumped out into the dark forest at midnight around a camp fire on Lake Muskoka.

This week's posting is inspired by a book i'm currently reading about a journalist on the road visiting American rock and roll death landmarks. There are high profile deaths often mentioned or discussed, usually due to a crash or an OD and involving famous artists. But there are many lesser known musicians from well known bands that have bought it in one way or another that never get mentioned in the same realm of a Cobain shotgun suicide (or was it a Love murder?) This list is for them. For those that used to rock, we salute you.

Top 5 Rock N' Roll Deaths Nobody Talks About

1. Shannon Hoon. Blind Melon was wildly popular about 10 years ago. Nary a soul on this planet is unfamiliar with the opening lick of No Rain, and the now infamous Bee Girl. Even Pearl Jam wrote a song called Bee Girl. Chris Farley has dressed as the Bee Girl. Yet when Hoon quietly OD'd on his tour bus in New Orleans during a less than successful sophmore tour, nobody really gave a shit. Even his gravesite went unmarked for a while. This was a sad tragedy very unbefitting of one of my favourite bands.
2. Layne Stayley. One of the saddest rock OD's on record, poor Layne actually rotted away in his apartment for a couple of days before it was noticed that transactions to his bank account for drug money had ceased. While his struggles with drugs led directly to the creation of Alice in Chains' acclaimed Dirt record, they finally got the better of this tortured soul.
3. Richard Manuel. The pianist/second drummer with the angelic falsetto for The Band actually hung himself during a post-Robertson club tour that was apparently too much for him to handle following the lofty heights The Band had previously reached. Richard is buried in Stratford, ON.
4. Tom Fogerty. Considering i wasn't actually sure if he was dead until this year, i would say this one definitely flies under the radar. Tom died of complications from a blood transfusion in 1990, and his brotherly feud was so great that John refused to be at his side when he died.
5. Brent Mydland. Brent was the keys player for the Grateful Dead for all of the 80's, when their popularity hit new heights. Not only was he their best pianist/organist of all, but he had a great raspy blues voice that added strength to the other oft-faltering Dead voices. Once again, an OD was the culprit.

Last night's killer Pearl Jam concert inspired me to go with today's posting, which i believe was originally suggested by the Captain, who was absent from last night's show, but his special lady was in fine whistling form accompanying the Rosa on his spare ticket. No word yet on whether or not the ass diaphragm was compromised.

Top 5 Concert DVDs

1. Tenacious D - Complete Masterworks. Everyone knows how much i love the D, perhaps a little too much. I can sing pretty much every word sung and speak every word spoken during this beloved concert, and even have 2 copies of the dvd - one for each tv/dvd combo in the house. Fuck, yeah!!
2. The Band - The Last Waltz. As i have mentioned many a time before, this performance comes to the proverbial desert island with me. Feel free to browse past top 5s for more words of high praise for this magical concert.
3. Led Zeppelin - 2 DVD set. This fairly recent release blows The Song Remains the Same concert out of the water. Although inclusive of some of that concert footage, this spans an entire career of thunderous rock and roll, with a highlight for me being a few of the acoustic tunes they pull out whilst seated on stools. John Paul Jones is a freakin' genius.
4. Pearl Jam - Touring Band 2000. This was the only concert footage we had available to us while living in Budapest. With no tv, we fired this up on Dr. J's laptop dvd player from time to time while sipping on ice cold pints of Dreher. It was just like being there, sort of.
5. Rage Against the Machine - Live at Grand Olympic Auditorium. A popular Friday night pre-bar warmup disc from the Palace era. So tight, so heavy, so funky. Also includes much of a second concert in the bonus features.

Honourable Mentions - AC/DC Live at Donington, Ben Harper Live at Hollywood Bowl.

This is more of a brainstorming session than a top 5, but it does involve listing a whole lotta tunes, and it is also a market research project as well, believe it or not. Killer Dave informs me that our good friends in Budapest are opening a strip club and would like to know what songs you feel are best suited for strip club play and the dancing itself. Myself of course will lean back to the classic era of the strip club - the 80s/90s rock scene - but we need some newer entries as well. Perhaps head out this week and do a little market research yourself!

My list would include almost anything from the Motley Crue catalog, specifically Girls x 3 and Wild Side, Buckcherry's Lit Up, White Zombie's Thunderkiss 65 and More Human Than Human, and on the funkier side a little Prince Sexy MF never hurt anyone! Also round it out with a little NIN Closer. This should get everyone started - have at'er!

I was trying out some new shit with polls instead of lists, but the php poll script was messing it all up so until i get that sorted, back to the old list styles!

Top 5 People (alive or dead) That You'd Like to Drink With

1. Johnny Depp. I'm pretty sure Johnny would have some wild stories from back in the day about wine, women and song, plus all of the different movie sets & actors he's been involved with. That, and he's the coolest man on the face of the earth. Drink of choice: Red Wine.
2. Jim Morrison. I know y'all knew Jimbo would be on my list, so here he is. He's not #1 since he's dead, but man o man could Jim party! As long as i didn't actually die from the experience i think it would be a great night of drinking and debauchery. Drink of choice: Beer, Whiskey, Rum, Vodka, Acid, Peyote, etc...
3. Bill Murray. Bill is a very funny guy, and a great actor, as he is proving to everyone these days. Conversations could stretch back to the original SNL cast right up to working with Jim Jarmusch on his latest movie. Drink of choice: perhaps Scotch on the rocks?
4. John Bonham. I was thinking Keith Moon at first, but decided that would be a little too much, and more drugs than booze. Bonzo as we know drank a little too much, but on a tamer evening drums, women and the Mighty Zep could be discussed at leisure. Drink of choice: Vodka.
5. Joel Gion. I know, you're all asking who the hell is this guy? He's the charismatic tambourine man from the original Brian Jonestown Massacre, loyal sideman and confidante of their genius songwriter Anton Newcombe, and from what i got out of the rockumentary Dig!, he's an absolute blast to hang out with. Drink of choice: Whiskey, and cocaine for good measure.

As we wind through the latter half of the summer, i feel that it's necessary to dedicate a top 5 list to that favourite, cold, most refreshing of summer beverages - beer. List up your faves, but let's not forget that beer, like music, can also define a specific period of your life, so take that into account as well!

Top 5 Favourite Beers

1. Coors Light, cans. This is by far the most refreshing beer in existence. An ice cold can right out of the cooler, or a mountain stream if you have one available, and you are set for life. It's the silver bullet baby!
2. Busch Light/PC Light. A tie goes to the favourite economy beers of the Palace era. Busch Light cans, PC Light bottles. Nary a Saturday night would end without at least a handful of stragglers back at the apartment sucking down all of our fresh cheap beers. A re-stocking would usually be necessary before the Bills games on Sunday.
3. Dreher. THE beer of my time in Budapest. I can honestly say that we consumed more Dreher during our time there than all other beverages combined. Cheap, tasty, pint-size bottles, and available at every corner!
4. Keith's. The favourite on-tap beer of London, Ontario.
5. Molson Dry, cans. The original favourite discount beer of the college era. It was an even better value since it started out as a premium beer, so it actually tasted damn good!

Ok, so the roman numerals were starting to bug me. I don't think they look good when you string them together that long. Wait until Super Bowl 88! Anyway, this week's topic should be good for some heated discussion/dissing of both bands and other people's picks, which is always fun. I'm sure Killer Dee and The Captain will go head to head for a while here.

Top 5 Most Hated Bands

1. Gin Blossoms. Limp. Lame. Wimpy. Whiny. My most hated band of the 90's. I actually got angry every time they snagged some airtime. The only band in existence that physically lacked testicles. Seriously.
2. Nickelback. This band should be on most lists, and rightfully so. Purveyors of canned corporate rock, these guys (ok, Chad) are so full of themselves that even if i liked them i'd hate them. Read one of my previous blog entries about Chad for some solid proof!
3. Linkin Park. Why do we have to be so angry all the time? The whole rap/rock thing was done well by very few bands, this not being one of them. One guy rapping, one guy 'singing'. Why not just have one guy? I have one word to sum up this genre properly: RAGEAGAINSTTHEMACHINE.
4. Dread Zeppelin. I was SO into Zeppelin in high school that i took these guys as the highest form of blasphemy. Now it's just kinda funny.
5. Creed.

Welcome to the 50th edition of the Top 5. In an attempt to stop Killer from trying to split hairs, i am giving him a list in which he can freely and accurately post 'The Boss' without me riding his ass! That, and it's a nice follow up to last week.

Top 5 Solo Rockers

1. Elvis. The King - what more needs to be said?
2. Jerry Lee Lewis. I actually saw the Killer live once at Massey Hall for a Ronnie Hawkins birthday bash. He was, and is, pretty old, but back in the day nobody fucked with the Killer! He also won Blender mag's 'top rock n' roll badass' title, which is pretty cool too.
3. Bowie. The guy has had more aliases than Killer Dave on a Saturday night, and has rocked equally as hard with all of them. He blew the minds of the Captain and myself here in London, and we (Killer, Vag, myself) also saw him go down at the Prague show while i was on vacation. Bowie gave it the old rock n' roll try though, and only packed it in when the pain became unbearable. That's rock n' roll, man!
4. Janis Joplin. Check out the footage of Janis in the Festival Express movie, and you'll see why she's on this list - magnetic, baby!
5. Ben Harper. While he always adds '& the Innocent Criminals', Ben is a solo artist at heart. You have to see him live to get the maximum impact; what i can only describe as a religious experience. Just ask the Bri Man - the latest convert!

Again, i thought that this topic would produce a bunch of similar lists, but i just brainstormed 12 people off the top of my head so i guess it's time to rock! The rock and roll frontman (or woman) has the hardest job within a band in that they are the direct connection between the band and audience. You've all seen bands where the guy just stands and sings and you get up to take a leak and grab another beer. Classic frontmen don't usually play a full time instrument on stage; they jump, strut, howl, yell, climb, run, wave, kneel, swing, rant, regale, and sometimes even sing. Whatever they are doing, it's all about connective energy between them and the fans, and that's what rock is all about! That being said, let's list'em up...

Top 5 Rock and Roll Frontmen

1. Jagger. You knew it was coming. The man's like 80 years old, has the body of a teenage gymnast and still gets more pussy than the rest of this list combined. He can't sing worth a shit but Mick struts and poses with the best of'em!
2. Roth. Again, yelps and screams were more prominent than a honed vocal talent, but NOBODY does a rock jump like Diamond Dave! And again with the pussy...
3. Tyler. While he is constantly in danger of swallowing the audience while connecting, Steven Tyler is the full package; vocals, screams, scats, jumps, skinny, hair and scarves! And probably some pussy.
4. Morrison. You knew my list wouldn't exist without old Jimbo. You never knew what turn a performance would take with Jim at the helm. Probably the most magnetic frontman ever, as the crowd would hang on his every move and syllable. Purveyor of leather pants and.... pussy.
5. Weiland. Of the new era of rock stars, Scotty had the style, the looks, the drug habit, the voice and the manic energy to rock a show as hard as HE can. Perhaps a bit of pussy.... and the odd cock?

This one is very straight forward. Everyone has had one, most still do. They range from cute to funny to degrading to just plain appropriate. The beauty of the nickname lies in the story behind it, so please feel free to elaborate. Any time period is fair game.

Top 5 Nicknames Past & Present

1. Finny, Findog, Finman, Mighty Finn, etc. The classic 'play off the last name' nickname, and probably the most widely used derivation for everybody. These names ran through the post-college era, and continue to this day in certain circles.
2. Scotty Scotty Beers. This was a one time only name, formulated one day as a play on INXS' bass player Gary Garry Beers. It is by far the best nickname i've had, but sadly never caught on outside of the one glorious day that it existed. It will be missed.
3. Gee, Guy, Snapper. The college years names. Three of us, myself, Rich and Geoff, the 3 medium-to-long hairs responsible for the 90's metal assault known as Acid Tongue, were all Gee or Guy. I alone was Snapper, which still surfaces among the group on occasion. Gee/Guy were rotated depending on context and who was being addressed at the time. Still used to this day.
4. Jackie. My nickname within the band for the Fall of 1999 Red/Uisce Beatha European Tour. Our bass player Matty, of B.A. Baracus Band fame, earned the affectionate moniker of Mitsy. We still address each other as such.
5. Scooter. The must-have nickname for anyone with my name. Enjoyed high useage amongst the Imagewerx crew, and a recent revival from Chilli's sister Ange.

Honourable Mentions - Big Cat, Captain, Dude, Shitty. Recent additions within The Gentlemen.

Posted by scotty at 12:01 AM

Songs get stuck in your head, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. Sometimes it's just plain ugly (like the fucking Canadian Tire commercial theme - ask vagina) but it's best when it's just plain glorious. The beauty of a fave song is that it doesn't have to be from a band you particularly like; it could be a one-off from a hated band. That being said, i dig all the bands on my list, and here it is. Note it's for what you are listening to at this time, not all time, although they could potentially be one in the same for a few of your choices.

Top 5 Current Favourite Songs

1. Dakota - Stereophonics. I can't stop listening to this song. I feel like i'm in fuckin' high school! This is definitely my song for the summer. I caught their Live 8 performance, vaguely recognized the song, grabbed it immediately and have played it multiple times daily since then. It's really fucking good.
2. Take Your Mamma Out - Scissor Sisters. I saw one of their awards show performances of this song and was hooked. The show was great, and the song was even better. It's like 70's party rock Elton John with programmed drums! They actually have a live drummer, but they lean heavily on the backing beats as well.
3. Dreamgirl - Dave Matthews Band. I'm bummed that Dave isn't coming to Toronto this summer, since this is the first dmb album i've been excited to hear live in some time. This opening track is just so easy-breezy you can't help but want to fire up a good good drunk.
4. GZ & Hustlas - Snoop Dogg. Chilli loves the Snoop, and this song is half cut on her shizzle nizzle mix, so i grabbed it (all of it) and have been spinning ever since. Funky jams.
5. Burn For You - INXS. In anticipation of INXS: Rockstar i grabbed my old INXS tapes (yes, tapes) from my parents' basement and have been rolling them for a bit. This was one of my faves back in the day and the chorus still gets me every time. On a side note, the show is not half bad, but after one show i can't see anyone coming close to replacing Hutchence. He was the man. Hopefully someone proves me wrong!

Happy 36th Anniversary to Big H and the Bee!