Hey again, y'all. Here's the awaited follow-up to JB's posting from yesterday - in the tried-and-true IT report format. If you like this one let us know by commenting and i'll try and dig up other classics, such as "The Hot Karl". I give to you for some Friday fun... The S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R.
In most cases it takes years of R&D to bring new technologies from the drawing board to your office environment. But with recent advances in “STRANGER” research, technology giant IBM aims to change all that.
What is a “S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R”?
The S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R or (Self Titillating Response Anomalous Neo-Genital Exercise Regimen) is not a new concept. In fact, research indicates that as early as the 1950's systems Engineers for both NASA and IBM's Big Blue Mainframe were engaging in rigorous testing of primitive STRANGER-related technologies.
In basic terms a S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R is the practice of allowing one of your hands/arms to fall “asleep” (until the universally recognizable “pins and needles” effect has been achieved) and then proceed to masturbate oneself to orgasm.
Features & Benefits
Most of you are probably wondering “Why is it called a Stranger? And what kind of benefit will it have to my life? Right? The answers to both are contained within its very name.
Since childhood many of us have been taught two simple sayings that best illustrate why the S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R is so appealing. You all must remember the old saying that “a “stranger” is just a friend you haven't met yet” and “if you can't be with the one you love...love the one you're with."
A S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R adds a whole new dimension to masturbatory fantasy. Who hasn't been working late and fantasized about an anonymous hand job from that hot blonde secretary in Accounting that always wears those tight skirts and no bra? Or ladies, who hasn't craved a “little talk with the hand” of that yummy bottled water delivery boy working his way through med school?
Now there is no more need to wonder what that might feel like. With a S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R, self-abuse was never more exciting. Just close your eyes and imagine being masturbated to a full relaxing orgasm by the person (or persons) of your choice.
Action Plan
By now most of you are probably sold on the idea of the S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R but aren't sure where to start. The key is take it slow. Just like your first trip to the bedroom with a new partner, give yourself time to get used to a different technique. Listed below are a few tips to maximize your encounter with a “S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R”:
For the Guys: Use easily available office supplies like scotch tape to tape your hand into the “holding of the beer” position thus allowing for variances in personal girth. For a tighter feel that more closely mimics anal penetration use duct tape and wrap in tightly around the entire circumference of this desired hand.
For the Ladies: scotch tape or masking tape should be used to tape down all fingers except the middle finger which should look like you are giving someone the bird (in reality it is your bird that is going to get the finger!). Next try to locate a small rubber finger guard used for flipping through large stacks of files...you know, the one that looks like a rubber thimbal. This will add a French tickler effect. Note: if lubrication is problem simply use a little saliva and you'll be well on your way.
The Bottom Line
Next time you are alone in the office late at night simply remember the mottos your parents taught you so long ago - “A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet”. And don't forget to alternate hands once in a while. After all it wouldn't be a S.T.R.A.N.G.E.R anymore if you got to be too familiar, would it?
Good evening, all. JB has checked back in this week with not one, but two pieces for your twisted enjoyment. I don't want to overwhelm you guys by posting both at once, and you'll also need time to pick yourselves up off the floor after reading this post, so i'll save the second one for a day or so. Embracing the celebrated and well-received "list" format, i give you week 2 of JB.
Greetings from Budapest. I am glad you all enjoyed last week's top 10 list. For those who were disturbed or offended I would like to point out that Corky is a fictional character with a fictional incestuous and misogynist need to sodomize and ejaculate in his sisters ocular cavities. That being said, the Fonz actually did utter the words contained in last week's #9 entry on the short-lived ABC series “Joanie Does Chachi”.
This week I would like to add my two cents to a very important social issue; HIV+AIDS. Since it was international AIDS week recently I would like to include an article that not only promotes safe sex but also can add a much needed “shot in the arm” to your love life (see tomorrow’s post). But first, a brand new top 10 list to wet your appetites (among other things).
Top 10 Things That Seemed Like A Good Idea At the Time
Wassup everyone. As mentioned on my homepage, JB will be providing me with posts every week or two to accent the blogging madness already contained here. I have added a new "JB" category to keep all of his deranged writings in one handy location. A word of caution for the weak-of-heart - many sexually explicit references are made within the works - all for comedic value of course. So if you are like me and enjoy some good raw humour - is there anyone who doesn't piss pants when hearing Delirious? - then this will be right up your alley. If not, you can send your hate mail to whydontyougooutsideandplayhideandgofuckyourself@hotmail.com. If you care to read on hit the "more" and bring the noise!
My name is JB and I am one of the Original 4. That is to say I am one of the 4 intrepid lads who set off to Budapest, Hungary with the lovely and talented Scotty “One Hour Shower” Finlayson. Incidently for those of you over 18 I am also the author of such riveting literature as “Homosexuality and IT” and that timeless classic “The Hot Karl”. I am also soon to be the last of 4 lads who still remains here Budapest... but with 50 cent beer, 2 dollar smokes, and the complete non existence of the term “last call” I think I will dwell here a while longer.
Today I would like to introduce a new section called:
Down With The Syndrome
This section doesn't really have a regular format so it could be absolutely anything from incoherent rants to haiku poems about red pubic hair baked into a muffin I had in Vienna. In fact the name of the column will also change every week which will prevent the creation of an easy to use Template for Scotty but will hopefully provide much laughter for the rest of you. For this weeks entry I will begin with the tried and tested top 10 list format.
This weeks topic: Top 10 unintentional sexual innuendo quotations from your favorite TV shows that sadly ended up on the cutting room floor.