I'm not sure who still watches Survivor besides myself and some immediate friends, but i'm sure you've followed at least one of the 6 series from beginning to end. As a fitting end to the latest installment, i bring to you the Top 5 Ways to Get Voted Off Survivor. This doesn't necessarily apply to the recent one, although mine contain a couple of jokes based out of events that occurred there. So have some fun and drop in a couple ideas if you have'em!
Top 5 Ways to Get Voted Off Survivor
- Become so conniving and deceitful that you end up screwing yourself in the ass!
- Conceal a Happy Meal in your luggage, only to have it discovered and devoured by your tribe. As a double whammy they take the toy and shove it directly up your ass, leaving you more constipated than you already are.
- Become stinking drunk at one of the reward challenges involving alcohol, then shit in your tribe's packs while they're sleeping.
- Accidentally form an alliance with a sloth.
- Lose so much weight that it causes your dick and balls to resemble a kielbasa sausage resting on two grapefruits, then claim your new uncomfortable situation as your "handicap".
Honourable Mention - Win the car at the last reward challenge and drive off the edge of the island by mistake. Posted by scotty at May 13, 2003 12:04 AM
killa dee, i will have many beerz in your honour this fine upcoming 2-4 weekend. funny top 5 man, too bad it's actually true! easy my friend.
Posted by: scotty on May 14, 2003 07:28 PMTop 5 Things I Hate About Kuwait:
1) No BEER!!! Ya I can get it on the black market for a cheap $120usd for 12.
2) NO BEER means NO BARS!
3) NO BARS means NO LOOSE WOMEN!!!!!!!!Ya there's woman allright with great big asses or a ninja hood!!!
4) IT'S FUCKING HOTTTTTTTTTTTTT! It's been an average of 40 degrees celcius since I got here and climbing.....soon it will be 60 or more for day time highs!
5) FUCKING DUST STORMS! It looks like fog, but it's dirt!!!!Great for the lungs!!!!
I hope you all enjoy this report....drink a brew for me!
Posted by: Killer on May 14, 2003 03:18 PMcan't do this one, I've never watched Survivor before.
Posted by: Zorbs on May 14, 2003 08:09 AM5) Talk about all the holes in your body and what each one does, CONSTANTLY!!
4)Eat as much of the crap they provide, so that everyone else goes hungry.
3) Descibe every occassion in your life in GREAT DETAIL! Don't leave anything out and make sure you tell everyone at least twice.
2) Forget your bathing suit and have to go naked the whole time.
1) From Day 1 claim that you are going to win the Million dollars and constantly ask why the rest of them are waisting their time!
I'm glad Jenna won. I didn't like her attitude very much at the start, but she grew on me. I think she played the game and deserved to win. She formed tight alliances, that really helped her to win, and she pushed herself when she really had too. Matt was totally clueless for so long. But, damn that guy looks good with some weight on his bones! I was shocked when I saw him at the reunion show. He doesn't look pshyco any more! DAMN!!!
Posted by: Paula on May 13, 2003 04:40 PM#5) Bring a guitar and ritually drive everyone mental with your "James Taylor inspired folk musings" until you are beaten to death by said instrument.
#4) Bring a skateboard as your luxury item although there is no smooth surface upon which to skate. Be beaten with said luxury item for being an utter and complete moron.
#3) Talk about Barry Manilow 24/7. You're the first one off the island guaranteed.
#2) Contract Dysentery. Shit where everyone drinks. Export Dysentery to entire cast. Be killed for making everyone shit all the time.
#1) Date and Marry your former husbands son. Creepy huh?
Posted by: Sweet Al on May 13, 2003 03:06 PM1. Send back food won at reward challenge saying that it was a little overcooked.
2. Form an alliance with Jeff Probst.
3. At tribal council vote on who will be the next American Idol
4.Bring along a skateboard, a golf club, or a
some other useless ass item.
5. use up 90% of the drinkable water washing socks and undies on a daily basis