Just to warn you up front that this post could become drastically incoherent at any point. I am about to more than likely talk myself into a circle with the intention of gaining just a little perspective and direction. I am having trouble concentrating on tasks lately. Life, really. Ever since i got back from europe i have been focusing on freelancing with a strong aversion to going to work for "the man". This started out all well and good, but has drawn to a slow trickle, bordering on a halt. I'll be the first to admit i'm not the greatest salesman or people person in world, and if i had a sales sidekick passing off work to me i'd be golden. But i don't. Ideally i'd like to be generating some income from music as well, which leads to the relocation question. Do i have to move to a larger centre of action to be able to pull that off professionally? I'm currently thinking Toronto, or Ottawa, which is a city i really like and have family there, as well as some old friends shortly. Will this solve my problem or just move it down the 401? I won't be saving money on rent in these cities that's for sure, but is it worth that in exchange for greater opportunities, both musical and design?

Then there's the question of getting some cash together for a move, which brings me to my next point - getting some work from the man. I have had an offer to go back part-time for now to a former place of work; a unique combination of stuff i like to do, design, in a retail setting, a mall. It's an imaging store that also does copies, laser prints, poster printing, etc. The wage isn't the greatest but it is money that i don't currently have so do i suck it up and take it or keep thinking i'll be able to make more money on the next design job i might not even get? Also as a side note when i left that job the last time, on good terms, i said i wouldn't go back, due to the retail factor, not the work itself. Yet here it stands again before me. I'm thinking i suck it up, take it, attempt some design work after hours, and save up for a move in the near future. But will i get all comfy here again after some cash flow and remain in the cheaper place to exist? I can still drum here, sure, but there aren't really many studios that have a high demand for session players here. There are some clubs and some bands to jam with. Christmas is coming though, so hours will pick up, and so will the annoying people i hate the most, the mall shoppers (just people, really). Sure i can put your dad on a beach with Pierre Trudeau and slap it on the front of a t-shirt for you, do you need a website done for you as well per chance? Didn't think so, well, enjoy your shirt anyway. But money for cds, books, rent and beer is a good thing right? Regardless of what i have to endure to get it? Hold out or quick fix? I'm thinking quick fix at this point. Just take some heavy meds before work eh? It will be alright. I gotta get out of this basement. And get a car. If anyone lives in a great city that has available design work, culture, and a music scene feel free to drop me a suggestive line here - all lines are available at this time. If you're still with me, thanks for listening.